About CoaguCo Industries

CoaguCo makes products that help people do things they would normally do, but different.

CoaguCo Industries was founded in 1967 by Serge La Plante, Miles Phineas Blanning, and Chester C. Wellington, and is now the 68th largest multimedia / manufacturing / pharmaceutical / development company in or around the Northwestern United States, provided such a combination of specific interests are listed and ranked.   We have continuously remained fiercely independent, while ravenously imperialistic.    All over the world, CoaguCo has forged various corporate take-overs and defunct government-grade R&D project acquisitions that facilitated our ability to develop random products at rock-bottom prices, which has kept us consistently ranked as one of the many companies on the globe doing things, and over two generations of employees have nurtured an environment which likes things, stuff, and anything chocolate-made.

La Plante, Blanning, Wellington and company have been applying their trades for over 43 years in the depths of central California, while their internet-based branch was started in April 2004 in Seattle, WA., in the Northwestern section of the United States, and was later invigorated by the acquisition and absorption of a local production company which filled many of the important internal roles that the CoaguCo technicians were poorly prepared for, at the time.   Together, they started the first of the beginning of the new CoaguCo product line: one specifically and exclusively focusing on the digital recycling of products and expanding on the mythos of each better and newer version being worth your time.

CoaguCo's overall employee numbers recently shrank to less than 23, while our products are now marketed in over 151 countries, thanks to the amazing and wondrous internet.  CoaguCo uses subterranean research and development laboratories in seven countries, two states, and one island, and conducts vague experiments on or in something over 61 countries.

Staff

Someone has to take the time to make all this stuff.

On each project, there is usually a listing of all the people involved. However, this is an index of all conspirators and their contributions.

Serge La Plante   Chief Executive Officer, Co-Founder

Chester C. Wellington   Chief Operating Officer, Co-Founder

Miles Phineas Blanning   Co-Founder

Cecil B. Witherspoon   Chief Financial Officer

Preston White   Primary Investor

Silas La Plante   General Manager

GP Garcia   Lead Programmer, Head Writer, Creative Director

Kat Hirsch   QA, Informer of Kittens, Community Moderator, Lady of Mac Porting, Content Editor: One Way To Die, Raise Your Own Clone

Avram Eisner   QA: One Way To Die, The Dope Game  |  Designer, Writer: Project Freezer Burn

Flash Haze   Writer, Co-creator: East

Felix Aulde   Writer: East

CB Shamah   Videographer: East, The BWF: After The Sun Sets

Azucar   Music: One Way To Die, Raise Your Own Clone, Haulin' Oats

Macabre Gandhi   Music: The Dope Game, Into Oblivion

Chas Roberts   Creative Consultant, Poster Design: One Way To Die, Raise Your Own Clone

Mike Hoogendoorn   Lord of Mac Porting, Community Moderator

Ian Bragg   Original Web Art Assets: One Way To Die

Morton Dowley   Janitorial Services

Careers With Us

Why work for CoaguCo Industries?

We are a major player in just about everything!  From pharmaceuticals to websites, child care products to medical devices, outsourcing consultancy to media production, or fashion to white-slavery, we have our fingers in just about every pie.  The experience and probably mental scarring that you will take away from working here can help launch whatever career path you've chosen to the next level.

Pre-Employment Screening

We here at CoaguCo have some of the most rigorous hiring practices in any field.  All potential employees must first sign a battery of waivers and legal documents, as well as swearing at least one oath of loyalty, prior to actually being interviewed.  After this, candidates will undergo various drug screening tests such as urine, spinal-tap, hair samples, etc.  Only those who actually fail the test or are suspected of failing will be considered.  There are some exceptions, granted.  Finally comes the interview itself, which usually takes place with the head or heads of your possible, future department and sometimes a few other unrelated employees.  This process usually takes a few hours and involves a night on the town.

Post-Employment

There are some many perks to working for CoaguCo, depending on what department you work for, that we could not possible list them all here.  Just to give you an idea, here is what we offer some of our employees: free medical/dental/vision/pet/life insurance, local bus/subway/train passes, testimony before Congressional or lesser courts of law, Whiskey Wednesdays, causal dress code, access to our team of lawyers and company pool, large recreation room in most facilities and more!  The only possible complaint about working for us is that everyone, regardless of position or title, gets paid the same exact wage with no hope of a raise.  But with all the perks, it more than makes up.

Get Started

Please refer to our various listings in your local newspaper or check out the CoaguWork section in our forums for additional opportunities.  If you cannot find something that suits you but you think you have some additional talent(s) to bring to the table, feel free to contact our human resources department at careers@coaguco.com.  And hopefully we will soon see you standing idly in the break room!

Support

Sometimes things go wrong. Most times we can remedy it.

Well this is embarrassing. It seems our support module is currently unavailable. Fear not though, smart shoppers, you can still contact us at support@coaguco.com if you have any inquiries in the meantime!

Make sure to mention the specific CoaguCo product you are contacting us about and a detailed explanation of your issue. We will try to get back to you as soon as we can.