CoaguCo makes products that help people do things they would normally do, but different.
CoaguCo Industries was founded in 1967 by Serge La Plante, Miles Phineas Blanning, and Chester C. Wellington, and is now the 68th largest multimedia / manufacturing / pharmaceutical / development company in or around the Northwestern United States, provided such a combination of specific interests are listed and ranked. We have continuously remained fiercely independent, while ravenously imperialistic. All over the world, CoaguCo has forged various corporate take-overs and defunct government-grade R&D project acquisitions that facilitated our ability to develop random products at rock-bottom prices, which has kept us consistently ranked as one of the many companies on the globe doing things, and over two generations of employees have nurtured an environment which likes things, stuff, and anything chocolate-made.
La Plante, Blanning, Wellington and company have been applying their trades for over 43 years in the depths of central California, while their internet-based branch was started in April 2004 in Seattle, WA., in the Northwestern section of the United States, and was later invigorated by the acquisition and absorption of a local production company which filled many of the important internal roles that the CoaguCo technicians were poorly prepared for, at the time. Together, they started the first of the beginning of the new CoaguCo product line: one specifically and exclusively focusing on the digital recycling of products and expanding on the mythos of each better and newer version being worth your time.
CoaguCo's overall employee numbers recently shrank to less than 23, while our products are now marketed in over 151 countries, thanks to the amazing and wondrous internet. CoaguCo uses subterranean research and development laboratories in seven countries, two states, and one island, and conducts vague experiments on or in something over 61 countries.
Someone has to take the time to make all this stuff.
On each project, there is usually a listing of all the people involved. However, this is an index of all conspirators and their contributions.
Serge La Plante Chief Executive Officer, Co-Founder
Chester C. Wellington Chief Operating Officer, Co-Founder
Miles Phineas Blanning Co-Founder
Cecil B. Witherspoon Chief Financial Officer
Preston White Primary Investor
Silas La Plante General Manager
GP Garcia Lead Programmer, Head Writer, Creative Director
Flash Haze Writer, Co-creator: East
Felix Aulde Writer: East
Mike Hoogendoorn Lord of Mac Porting, Community Moderator
Ian Bragg Original Web Art Assets: One Way To Die
Morton Dowley Janitorial Services
Why work for CoaguCo Industries?
We are a major player in just about everything! From pharmaceuticals to websites, child care products to medical devices, outsourcing consultancy to media production, or fashion to white-slavery, we have our fingers in just about every pie. The experience and probably mental scarring that you will take away from working here can help launch whatever career path you've chosen to the next level.
We here at CoaguCo have some of the most rigorous hiring practices in any field. All potential employees must first sign a battery of waivers and legal documents, as well as swearing at least one oath of loyalty, prior to actually being interviewed. After this, candidates will undergo various drug screening tests such as urine, spinal-tap, hair samples, etc. Only those who actually fail the test or are suspected of failing will be considered. There are some exceptions, granted. Finally comes the interview itself, which usually takes place with the head or heads of your possible, future department and sometimes a few other unrelated employees. This process usually takes a few hours and involves a night on the town.
There are some many perks to working for CoaguCo, depending on what department you work for, that we could not possible list them all here. Just to give you an idea, here is what we offer some of our employees: free medical/dental/vision/pet/life insurance, local bus/subway/train passes, testimony before Congressional or lesser courts of law, Whiskey Wednesdays, causal dress code, access to our team of lawyers and company pool, large recreation room in most facilities and more! The only possible complaint about working for us is that everyone, regardless of position or title, gets paid the same exact wage with no hope of a raise. But with all the perks, it more than makes up.
Please refer to our various listings in your local newspaper or check out the CoaguWork section in our forums for additional opportunities. If you cannot find something that suits you but you think you have some additional talent(s) to bring to the table, feel free to contact our human resources department at firstname.lastname@example.org. And hopefully we will soon see you standing idly in the break room!
Sometimes things go wrong. Most times we can remedy it.
Well this is embarrassing. It seems our support module is currently unavailable. Fear not though, smart shoppers, you can still contact us at email@example.com if you have any inquiries in the meantime!
Make sure to mention the specific CoaguCo product you are contacting us about and a detailed explanation of your issue. We will try to get back to you as soon as we can.
Privacy is an important and fleeting thing on the internet.
And we at CoaguCo take that serious. The only piece of information that identifies users in our system is often their e-mail address which is never used for any purposes other than identifying you to an account. Period. The only other data we collect that may identify you as an individual is strictly limited to a Steam ID or GameJolt ID; which, again, are only used to link you to those accounts and verify you own the games related, provided you have purchased a game on those platforms.
You can request this data be deleted by contacting support above. Please note that your online functionality to our games will cease to function.